Cut It Out!

Cut It Out!

How many times recently have you heard someone say something like, “I cut out [fill in the blank] and now I have more energy. I feel great!”
“I cut out caffeine. I have more energy. I feel great!”
“I cut out TV. I have more energy. I feel great!”
“I stopped eating meat. I have more energy. I feel great”
Call me crazy, but all of this is more than a little contradictory. If everyone cut out everything that everyone was suggesting cutting out, we would end up that crazy hermit that lives at the top of the mountain and never eats (what food sources are available at the top of a mountain, anyway?) If I was that hermit, I would send everyone back down for a Big Mac before I “saged” them. Bring me back a super-size fries! I guess that is why people write to Dear Abby instead.

Do you remember that mass-suicide cult from a few years ago with the Hale-Bopp comet? They were the geniuses who believed if they wore the right Nikes and died at the right time they could hop a flight on the comet and get on with the life they were supposed to be living—as opposed to the miserable existence they evidently were having living amongst you and I. Because their deaths made the news, so did some of their other stories. Evidently, some of them relieved unwanted pressure in their lives with castration. So, there is video of some bloke essentially saying, “I cut out my genitals! I have more energy! I feel great!”

Does anyone really believe that the more we cut out of our lives the better our quality of life will be?

My theory is that quitting itself has a placebo effect. Good for you that you stopped drinking! I’m glad you feel great! But, why did you start in the first place? Let’s be honest, if drinking made everyone who did it feel miserable while they were doing it, it would not be a problem, would it? Smokers quit for a while, they start to feel great. Then, they get really obnoxious and crabby and both they and their families are relieved when they start again. It feels great, at first, when you stop watching TV and start exercising. Then, it feels great when you stop exercising, grab a bag of chips, and get back to your TiVo.

It feels great to quit, but quitting the quitting feels even better. Not an option with castration, however. Most people don’t make as big of a spectacle when they quit quitting. That seems to be the biggest difference. Some of this may be the guilt. So, you just ate a whole bag of Oreos after a week of dieting. Chances are you are not going to call your best friend and gleefully announce, “Hey! Guess what I just did!” I would, but that’s just me.

I enjoy being fickle. I do not have any tattoos because I know that I am fickle. I am not bothered by tattoos on other people. I admire people who express themselves in that way and every other way. If you want to dress like a bum or a hooker, I don’t care (unless you are my wife or daughter). Just don’t be surprised if I mistake you for a bum or a hooker. Do you curse like a sailor? That certainly splashes a lot of color on your personality. Many comedians have built their careers on doing little more than that. It’s just one more way a person defines them, for better or worse.

On the other hand, you could change any or all of these things and feel good about it. Or, you could start doing any or all of these things and feel good about it. Either way, you are not alone. You can find loads of new friends ready to say, “Hey, me too!” There is even a group for people who join groups and never do anything after that. They seem pretty happy.

Sorry I haven’t written for so long. Guess why? But, I have more energy! I feel great!